Playful yet thought-provoking ideas to address concerns about Singapore’s perceived lack of warmth and vibrancy
Complaints about Singapore’s perceived emptiness often leave me puzzled because I simply don’t get it. Singapore is such an exciting place to live in. Just last weekend, I visited an HDB estate in Tampines to check out the lift lobbies with my family—so much fun!
However, every so often, someone raises the issue. Recently, a Reddit user boldly stated that Singapore feels like a “hollow city” compared to Malaysia. According to this Redditor, Singaporeans are colder and less friendly, and Malaysia, being a “proper-sized” country, holds a certain charm.
While this may seem harsh, I’ve taken these concerns to heart. As responsible citizens tasked with marketing Singapore to the world, it’s time to consider some new proposals to improve the livability of this city. After all, if we can’t outdo Malaysia, we’ll certainly try our best with fresh ideas.
Here’s a fun and satirical take on potential solutions:
To address the growing mental health crisis among the nation’s youth, we’ll simply make anxiety and depression illegal. Problem solved!
In an effort to reduce traffic congestion and our carbon footprint, let’s build waterslides running parallel to our major expressways. Commuters can opt for water slide transportation instead of crowded MRTs. Best part? They’ll be powered by NEWater, combining fun with sustainability.
Food prices are a serious concern, so we’ll introduce ultra-budget meals like Cricket Rice. It’s cheaper for hawkers to make, and customers will appreciate the savings. Win-win!
To solve the housing issue, we’ll repurpose old-school hostels into low-income apartments. These hostels will be converted into affordable living spaces with minimalist features. A double-bedroom? Now split into two single rooms, with just half a window—still a roof over your head!
Inspired by double-decker buses, we’ll construct a second layer on top of Singapore for more space. We’ll even explore reclaiming land the size of Singapore in the Indian Ocean to add more land area.
To tackle hypercompetitiveness, we’ll introduce a Sorting Hat system, randomly assigning students to schools. After all, every school is a good school. If that’s not enough, we’ll ensure every neighbourhood gets its own co-ed Anglo Chinese School.
Tired of the materialistic culture? We’ll eliminate the need for money by implementing a barter trade system. No money? No problem.
To inject a bit of culture into Singapore, we’ll introduce a mandatory probiotic vaccination for newborns. Everyone will be injected with cultured milk (just not Vitagen, we’re sure about that).
To improve the perceived coldness of Singaporeans, we’ll introduce a $500 fine for anyone caught not smiling. Offenders will also have to perform 20 hours of community service by chatting with aunties and uncles in HDB elevators.
While these proposals are tongue-in-cheek, they reflect an underlying concern about Singapore’s sense of community, warmth, and vitality. Could these absurd ideas inspire more genuine solutions to improve the quality of life here? Time will tell.
