The Struggles of Finding Unconditional Love in a Conservative Society
This heartfelt article dives into the often painful reality of coming out in Singapore as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, particularly when it comes to the fear of family rejection and the challenges of finding unconditional love. The writer reflects on the overwhelming sense of fear and internal conflict that comes with being queer in a society that remains predominantly conservative and, in many cases, hostile toward the LGBTQ+ community.
The piece opens with a powerful reflection on how the author had to bury their true identity as a closeted gay woman to feel safe and loved in Singapore. The concept of “conditional love” is explored in depth, illustrating how the love from family and society is often contingent on one’s conformity to heterosexual, cisgender norms. For many in the LGBTQ+ community, this creates a deep internal struggle and a pervasive fear of being ostracized by those they care about most.
The article shares personal stories of individuals like Siti, a semi-closeted gay woman who struggles with accepting her sexuality due to past trauma, and Cameron, a trans man whose experiences of rejection and invalidation by his Catholic family highlight the emotional and psychological toll of conditional love. Ching, a lesbian mother of one, offers insight into the ongoing process of coming out, emphasizing that coming out is not just about revealing one’s identity but also about letting others in—something that requires trust, safety, and emotional vulnerability.
This struggle for acceptance and love is particularly pronounced in Singapore, where societal pressures and religious conservatism often dictate how individuals view queer identities. For many, the fear of losing their family’s love and approval is a powerful deterrent to coming out, even in adulthood. The narrative also explores the mental health ramifications of this fear, from depression and anxiety to feelings of dysphoria, and how these challenges are often exacerbated by the lack of unconditional love from family.
The piece ends with a note of hope, showcasing how individuals like Ching, Cameron, and the author have found strength in embracing their identities, even in the face of adversity. Ching continues to contribute to the LGBTQ+ community, working with organizations like Pink Dot, while Cameron’s family has slowly come to terms with his transitioning process, offering him the love and support he always needed. Siti, too, has come out stronger, embracing her true self without letting past traumas dictate her self-worth. The author also reflects on their own journey, having found a partner who loves them unconditionally, finally experiencing the kind of love they longed for.
Ultimately, the article underscores that unconditional love is a fundamental right for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, or background. It emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and the support of those who truly love us for who we are. The piece serves as a powerful reminder that everyone deserves to be loved without conditions—because love, at its core, should be limitless and without judgment.
