Understanding Aromanticism in a Society Focused on Romance and Family
In Singapore, where the societal norm often centers around finding a romantic partner, getting married, and purchasing a BTO (Build-To-Order) flat, those who identify as aromantic face a different journey. Aromantic individuals, or “aros,” experience little to no romantic attraction to others, and their relationships often take different forms from the typical expectation of marriage and children.
Tabitha, a 21-year-old nurse, reflects on her secondary school years when she forced herself to have a crush to fit in. “I just needed to give an answer when someone asked who I liked,” she shares, noting that she didn’t actually feel romantic attraction. Now, Tabitha embraces her aromantic identity, a label she has used for the past four years, finding fulfillment through other forms of love and connection beyond romance.
Aromanticism can exist on a spectrum. Some people experience no romantic attraction at all, while others may feel it in limited circumstances, such as after building deep emotional connections. This orientation challenges the traditional Singaporean dream of romantic partnerships and family formation. Aromantic individuals often find themselves at odds with societal expectations, where romantic relationships are seen as the ultimate form of love.
Aces Going Places, a community for aromantic and asexual people in Singapore, supports individuals navigating life without romantic expectations. Theresa Pong, the director of Relationship Room, highlights how aromantics may grow up feeling different, yet their perspectives on relationships often lead them to prioritize companionships and non-romantic partnerships.
Despite the growing awareness of aromanticism, many aros face societal pressure to conform to traditional norms. Tabitha recalls how her relatives once told her, “These things take time,” implying that romance and marriage are inevitable for everyone. Megan Tan, 27, also shares her frustration with friends who dismiss her aromantic identity, insisting that she will eventually develop an interest in romance.
For aros, love extends beyond romantic relationships. Tabitha expresses love through actions—listening to friends, sharing food, and offering support. Similarly, James R, a 30-year-old test engineer, sees friendships and romantic relationships as equal, investing equally in both types of connections. For some aros, love is also about self-care and finding meaningful connections with others, whether friends or family.
In Singapore, amatonormativity—the idea that everyone should seek romance—often marginalizes those who do not subscribe to this path. Aros, for example, face restrictions such as waiting until they are 35 to purchase a public flat, unlike heterosexual couples who can access such housing earlier. This reflects how the system is built to favor nuclear families.
Aros also struggle with representation and acceptance within both the broader society and the LGBTQ+ community. The absence of visible representation of aromantic relationships in media makes it harder for aros to find validation and connection. Moreover, aros are often misunderstood, with misconceptions that they don’t experience sexual attraction or that they are “broken.”
However, many aros find solace in embracing their identity. Wayn L, a 24-year-old freelance artist, envisions a fulfilling life focused on his passions, such as art and animals, free from societal pressures to engage in romantic relationships. Similarly, James encourages fellow aros to embrace their identity and not feel compelled to fit into conventional notions of love. “You are not broken,” he reassures them, “Your experiences are real. You exist. And you are valid.”
