A Lighthearted Take on Toxic Masculinity for International Women’s Day
In celebration of International Women’s Day, let’s take a tongue-in-cheek look at how some men can master the art of being the worst male allies possible. This guide, which is entirely a joke, aims to highlight the traits that contribute to the “red flag” behaviours all too familiar in some men.
First, to embody the perfect “man’s man”, one must stop at nothing to exude hyper-confidence—regardless of the topic. Real men don’t listen, they dominate. Conversations are about scoring points, whether they’re about geopolitics, crypto, or the latest film series. Listening is for the weak. The louder, the better. This is how to win friends and influence people, right?
Next, forget the idea of owning up to your mistakes. The hallmark of a true man is gaslighting: deflect, deny, and build elaborate delusions. Never admit to faults—just reframe the situation. Did you forget your anniversary? Clearly, that’s because anniversaries are a capitalist invention. Did you interrupt during a meeting? You were simply enhancing the conversation, obviously.
Then there’s the emotion issue. No feelings, ever. Therapy? A waste of time. Vulnerability? A dangerous gateway to self-awareness. Repress all emotions until you’re a walking, talking emotional void. The only acceptable conversation topics? Video games, the gym, and your latest hot take on cancel culture.
When it comes to labour, why bother? Washing dishes, making beds, or even showering before work—these tasks are beneath you. A true man has better things to do, like reposting motivational quotes or endlessly debating irrelevant topics on social media.
And, of course, entitlement is key. Simply by existing, you are deserving of affection and admiration. If women don’t flock to you, it must be due to some external force—feminism, TikTok, or any other “brainwashing” force. It couldn’t possibly be that they find you unappealing.
So, gentlemen, in honour of International Women’s Day, remember: stay loud, stay unapologetic, and never, ever listen to anyone who says you should change. Happy International Women’s Day!
