A Life Transformed by the Revelation of His True Ethnicity Sparks a Quest for Self-Understanding
For 28-year-old Benjamin Harris, Chinese New Year brings a bittersweet blend of celebration and confusion. The joy of family gatherings and traditional meals is often overshadowed by a profound sense of disconnection, rooted in the revelation that his ethnic identity is not what he was taught to believe. Raised in a Chinese-Christian household, Benjamin discovered just before his enlistment for National Service that he is Malay, not Chinese.
Benjamin’s story is a reflection of the complexities surrounding identity in Singapore, a multicultural society where ethnic background often dictates a person’s place within the community. His upbringing, deeply embedded in Chinese traditions, was rocked by a single truth—that his race was not what he had always assumed. The moment of discovery forced Benjamin to question his entire sense of self.
As a child, Benjamin embraced Chinese and Christian customs with enthusiasm. He attended a Methodist kindergarten, conversed in Hokkien with his grandmother, and participated in joyful family rituals such as reunion dinners and the excitement of receiving red packets (angbaos). But at the age of 11, Benjamin’s understanding of his identity was shaken when a relative accidentally disclosed his adoption, and soon after, he learned that his birth documents had been hidden by his adoptive mother. Unaware of his true ethnicity, it wasn’t until he found his Identification Card just before his National Service that the truth came crashing down—he was, in fact, Malay.
The revelation left Benjamin questioning his family’s intentions and his own place in the world. “In that moment, I no longer felt like I belonged,” he recalls. “It made me question whether my entire childhood was a lie.” The shock of discovering his Malay heritage, after years of immersion in Chinese culture, only deepened his sense of confusion.
At Nan Hua Secondary, a school grounded in traditional Chinese values, Benjamin began to notice the subtle ways his classmates treated him differently. Despite being raised in a Chinese-Christian environment, he faced racial taunts and microaggressions that further heightened his sense of alienation. He later discovered that his father had converted from Islam to Christianity and had been estranged from his Malay-Muslim family. To distance himself from his past, Benjamin’s father had even changed his name, further concealing the family’s Malay origins.
This discovery helped Benjamin understand why his parents had kept his true heritage hidden, continuing to raise him within the Chinese-Christian tradition while avoiding discussions of his Malay roots. Now, as an adult, Benjamin grapples with the duality of his heritage, torn between the identity he was raised to embrace and the ethnicity he was only recently told he belongs to. “Being told you’re one race and finding out you’re another is very jarring,” he admits. “But in actual fact, I can’t really say I belong to either.”
For Benjamin, racial identity is tightly intertwined with cultural authenticity, and he now faces the challenge of reconciling his lived experiences with his biological background. His immersion in Chinese culture left him disconnected from his Malay heritage, which he had no exposure to growing up.
However, rather than retreating into confusion, Benjamin has embarked on a journey of cultural rediscovery. He is learning Bahasa Melayu, volunteering with advocacy groups like Lepak Conversations, and spending time with his Malay friends during Hari Raya celebrations. Still, Chinese New Year and other holidays feel less personal to him, as he celebrates them with his partner’s family or friends, viewing them more as time markers than as key milestones in his life.
Through this process, Benjamin has begun to redefine the cultural traditions he once knew. Free from the pressures of adhering strictly to one identity or another, he embraces the fluidity of his heritage. “I can be just Benjamin—the guy who’s adopted, wears a lot of batik shirts, and isn’t one race or the other,” he reflects. “It’s liberating to know that I can be fluid.”
Benjamin’s journey of self-discovery is a familiar one for many individuals who wrestle with the tension between inherited traditions and the desire to create their own identities. In Singapore’s dynamic, multicultural society, belonging is not fixed—it is an ongoing process of adaptation, acceptance, and, at times, reinvention. Benjamin believes that true cultural connection does not come from rigidly following inherited customs, but from reimagining them in a way that aligns with one’s authentic self.
For Benjamin, the journey continues as he reclaims his story, forging his own path and ultimately discovering where he truly belongs.
